This series of personal stories from parents who have suffered pregnancy or baby loss opens up a space for talking about loss and grief publicly.
In sharing their stories about pregnancy, infertility and the death of their babies, the parents whose personal accounts you can read on The Possum Blog are beginning to exorcise the demon of social taboo afflicting many conversations on perinatal loss.
Parents share their journeys and their advice, if any, on living with loss. They share how they have changed, who they have become, and what truly matters now.
Angel baby boy Arnaud
We found out we were pregnant a week after the embryo transfer, which was on 6th February 2021. I tested at home on 11th February. The test was positive and the blood test few days afterwards confirmed a positive pregnancy.
The blood test few days afterwards confirmed a positive pregnancy.
We were told during our 25 week anatomy scan that Arnaud had some abnormalities around his bladder. He was not able to get rid of his urine and hence had low amniotic fluid levels.
A doctor told us during our 29 week check up that he would not survive after birth. This news broke us so badly.
A doctor told us during our 29 week check up that he would not survive after birth.
At 34 weeks and 6 days pregnant I was not aware that I was in early labour. I had slight cramping from noon onwards and did not think anything of it.
When the pain did not subside after taking pain killers, we were advised to go to hospital. I was 4cm dilated when we got there. My husband was by my side the whole time.
I did not really get the chance to hold my son properly because Arnaud had lots of wires all around his body. His name means "strength of an eagle".
I did not really get the chance to hold my son properly because Arnaud had lots of wires all around his body. I did get the chance of being skin to skin with him.
Arnaud means "strength of an eagle". My husband was there after Arnaud's birth and he saw him flapping his hands around as the nurses and doctors tried to put life support equipment on him. That's when he knew Arnaud was the right name.
Losing a baby after years of infertility and IVF is like losing three people in one go. All the effort we went through to get pregnant just vanished. It is something that I can't explain, and I don't think anyone can fully understand the pain unless they have been through it.
Losing a baby after years of infertility and IVF is like losing three people in one go. All the effort we went through to get pregnant just vanished.
Something was ripped out of me and the hole is and will be forever there, until my last day.
Since the loss of Arnaud, I have changed as a person. I am no longer fixated on small things. If I see a problem and there is a solution then I will just do it. I would do anything in my power to solve any issues - sadly we could not save Arnaud, despite all of our efforts at that of the medical team.
What I wish I had known before experiencing perinatal loss is that pregnancy doesn't always lead to bringing the baby home and raising a child.
What I wish I had known before experiencing perinatal loss is that pregnancy doesn't always lead to bringing the baby home and raising a child.
To parents recently bereaved I would say to take their time. No one can tell you how you feel, think and act if they have not been through this. There is no time limit for grief. You know yourself best. Seek professional help and accept help from friends and family; you will need them.
There is no time limit for grief. Sometimes bad things happen, despite the amount of effort we put in to avoid them.
My Possum Portrait is another thing I can do to cherish Arnaud's life - his 4 day old life. It is something I will take to his resting place and show him, how wonderful he was.
The experience of loss has made me realise that you can't control everything in life. Sometimes bad things happen, despite the amount of effort we put in to avoid them.
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