This series of personal stories from parents who have suffered pregnancy or baby loss opens up a space for talking about loss and grief publicly.
In sharing their stories about pregnancy, infertility and the death of their babies, the parents whose personal accounts you can read on The Possum Blog are beginning to exorcise the demon of social taboo afflicting many conversations on perinatal loss. Parents share their journeys and their advice, if any, on living with loss. They share how they have changed, who they have become, and what truly matters now.
Angel boy Jupiter Wolf with his rainbow sister, Koha Wolf
My name is Hailey, (Mama), and my partner is Tam, (Mum).
After 13 years of being in love, one year of looking for a donor and two miscarriages, we finally found out we were pregnant in August 2020. The test was positive before I even put the stick down! I knew then we had a strong little human on board.
We were so excited, and started buying clothes for our baby immediately.
We found out you were a boy at 14 weeks, and already had your name picked out, before we knew who you were. Jupiter Wolf. A perfect name for our little free spirit.
We had a perfect pregnancy. Everything went smoothly. We were planning on having a home birth. Tam went out of her way to create a beautiful space for him to be brought into the world.
We had a perfect pregnancy. Everything went smoothly. We were planning on having a home birth. Tam went out of her way to create a beautiful space for him to be brought into the world. He loved belly rubs, and listening to his Mum talk to my belly. He even kicked her in the jaw once!
At a routine growth scan at 36 weeks, they discovered Jup was in the 98th percentile. This didn't sound right to us, as he still had so much room to move around. Our home birth was cancelled, as they were worried about shoulder distocia due to his apparent big size. We opted to have a water birth at the hospital instead.
At 40 weeks pregnant, after weeks of trying everything natural to get him out, we decided to spend the weekend away at a farm. Our last holiday as a couple, before we became a family.
I woke up that morning at the farm, convinced I would go into labour that day. After having breakfast by the fire, and saying good bye to the animals, we drove home.
It was a painful drive home, as Jup was pushing down and causing a lot of contractions. We thought for sure we were about to meet him!
That night, I felt a trickle. I told Tam my water had broken. I felt a few more trickles before bed. We assumed I would wake up in labour. I woke up the next morning, still pregnant.
We went into the hospital to get checked out. They did some tests, and concluded that my water hadn't broken, even after everything I told them. We were sent home.
The following week I felt more and more uncomfortable. Lots of cramping and pain and feeling generally tired. We were told this was all normal, and labour was around the corner.
The following week I felt more and more uncomfortable. Lots of cramping and pain and feeling generally tired. We were told this was all normal, and labour was around the corner.
Despite this, I booked two stretch and sweeps and an induction, all two days apart.
We finally had a day set in stone. You would be here by 12th of May at the latest! We were so excited.
At 3.45pm on the 9th of May, Mothers Day, I went into labour. By midnight the contractions were consistent. We had midwives come and check us over the next 24 hours as I laboured at home. Tam took care of me, and we talked about what our boy would be like.
We were told by the midwife that he was happy, healthy, coping with labour. Just before midnight on the 10th of May, my water broke, after four very strong contractions.
I noticed meconium straight away and rang the hospital to inform them. They didn't seem worried, and told us to come in.
The midwife strapped me up to a CTG machine. She tried a few times, and then said she would get someone else to try, as the machine was playing up. Tam and I started to panic. The next midwife also found silence, but told us she would get another machine.
We arrived just after midnight on the 11th of May. The midwife strapped me up to a CTG machine. She tried a few times, and then said she would get someone else to try, as the machine was playing up. Tam and I started to panic. The next midwife also found silence, but told us she would get another machine.
A doctor came in with an ultrasound machine. After scanning for a few moments, she shook her head. Her voice broke and she said "Hailey. I'm so sorry, your baby has no heartbeat."
Our worlds spun out of control. We couldn't breathe. We were in shock, denial, and absolutely heartbroken. We were left alone for what seemed like hours, and had to find the words to tell Tams Mum, while the doctors made arrangements.
Tam and I pulled together and reassured each other through the whole time at the hospital. After another 27 hours of labour, our beautiful son was born at 3.15am on the 12th of May. We cried rivers when he was born, and were still in so much shock.
He weighed 7 pound 11 ounces, and was 54cm long.
We were able to spend a little bit of time with him. We were so scared to hold you. You were so perfect, we didn't understand what happened.
Over the next weeks, we were able to spend a few more hours with him, making memories, while the hospital did tests. It was so healing, to be able to hold our son for a while, but it will never be enough.
It was so healing, to be able to hold our son for a while, but it will never be enough. Our perfect boy, so loved and so wanted, could have been saved, if they had just listened to us that day.
The test results came back two months after he were born. My waters had actually broken the first time we went into hospital. Jup contracted a horrible infection, that made him very sick. The placenta stopped the infection from entering my body. We had no idea he was sick.
Our perfect boy, so loved and so wanted, could have been saved, if they had just listened to us that day. Jup gave us a Fathers Day, a Christmas, a Birthday each, an Easter and a Mothers Day. His favourite song was Don't Worry Be Happy by Bob Marley. He loved sunflowers, swimming in the ocean and dark chocolate, and any food with potato! He would now be nearly two years old now.
Jup has since sent us a little sister, who is now 9 months old. We were able to use the same donor. She looks so much like her big brother, and shares his middle name. She has brought a bit of joy back into our home. She will grow up knowing all about her big brother.
Our son is, and always will be, included in our family.
Much love to all families going through the same thing.
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