This series of personal stories from parents who have suffered pregnancy or baby loss holds space for talking about loss and grief and remembering our babies gone too soon.
In sharing their stories about their pregnancy journeys, feelings and insights, these parents are beginning to exorcise the double demons of silence and ignorance that afflict so many conversations in the space of pregnancy and baby loss.
Parents share their journeys and the lessons they have learned about grief, parenthood, friendship and living after the death of their baby. They tell us how they have changed, who they have become, and what truly matters now.
Baby girl Rosie with her siblings
My partner and I were discussing whether we should have a third baby. To my surprise, I was already pregnant! This was my idea of perfection. I never felt 'done' after 2 and I always wanted them close in age. At that time my boys were eight months and two. We found out this bub was a girl and were so excited to give our boys a little sister.
On the 6th of May 2022 my waters broke at 29 weeks. I was transferred to the Women's Hospital, as I was likely to go into labour. The medical team explained what would happen if she arrived. She would need time in NICU, but had a 99% chance survival rate at that gestation.
If I made it to 34 weeks, they said they would induce me. Not once was there a mention of the risk of stillbirth, it was just a question of how premature she would be.
I was hospitalised for two and a half weeks with no signs of labour or infection, so they decided I could do outpatient care. The night before my discharge I felt her kicking so much and had a peaceful feeling of "I've got this, I'm ready to meet you." Never did I imagine I'd never get to see her take a breath.
The next morning at 32 weeks and 2 days, the hospital staff were getting ready to discharge me. I asked the doctor to check her, because she hadn't moved as much that morning. She did a bedside ultrasound and said the words you never want to hear.
I was so completely blindsided. Everything was perfect until suddenly it wasn't. It really messed with my intuition, I still feel like I can't trust my instincts.
Turns out it was a freak cord accident: there's nothing I could have done to prevent it. So on the 24th May 2022, Rosie Liliane Wyers entered our world silently.
I had had two emergency C-sections with my boys. Rosie's was a natural birth. I found the pain was a distraction from reality and actually felt sorry for my partner and sister that they weren't in labour. Rosie was perfect. She looked almost identical to my oldest son. She was exactly how I imagined our baby girl to look.
Only loss parents would understand the feeling of having those moments with your baby. Trying to make memories in such borrowed time.
You want time and the world to stop but they can't, so eventually you have to say the hardest goodbye of your life. The next weeks and months were an emotional roller-coaster of shock and grief while trying to mother my living children and learn how to mother an angel. We had a lot of support but ultimately it's a forever heartbreak and nothing anyone can do or say will 'fix' it.
We never went back on birth control as I knew I couldn't end my childbearing years like that. I needed another living baby - not to replace Rosie, but to bring some happiness and joy into our lives.
In August 2022, two and a half months after we lost Rosie, I found out I was pregnant with our rainbow. Pregnancy after loss is so hard. Not once would I let myself believe I might actually get to bring this baby home. Never had I experienced anxiety like it. My recommendation for anyone going through PAL is to find a team that supports you. The team that looked after me when I was admitted with Rosie took over my care in my PAL pregnancy.
I had lost faith in my body, so I needed countless scans and reassurance to get through this pregnancy.
On the 6th of April 2023, Eli was born. His name means ‘from above’; a tribute to Rosie, as I know she sent him to us. He is such a special, loved little guy. Losing Rosie has changed me as a person and had an effect on every aspect of our lives, especially parenting. Every moment is cherished.
There are so many difficult milestones and triggers to navigate post loss. The babies born that were due around her due date; birthdays; Christmases; restarting work, and all those times where the pain just hits you.
Grief is a whole new world I never understood before losing Rosie. It is so intertwined with love. You can’t predict it and it can still knock me off my feet.
For us, our boys are our saviours. They keep us going no matter how rough it gets.
Including Rosie in our day to day life helps. Our boys are such amazing brothers to her. We say goodnight to her in the stars every night before bed. Whenever we see a butterfly or a rainbow they get excited, because Rosie sent it.
They always say they are one of four kids and will correct anyone that doesn't include her.
I bring her bunny or photo to family photos to try and capture our family, but it’s hard because you can’t see Rosie alongside the boys. I have always wanted a picture of all my babies together, so our Possum Portrait means the absolute world to me and my family. If I can keep her memory alive, I feel like I'm doing a good job of being Rosie's mum.
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Possum Portrait to a mum like Rachel
who is living with loss.
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