This series of personal stories from parents who have suffered pregnancy or baby loss holds space for talking about loss and grief and remembering our babies gone too soon.
In sharing their stories about their pregnancy journeys, feelings and insights, these parents are beginning to exorcise the double demons of silence and ignorance that afflict so many conversations in the space of pregnancy and baby loss.
Parents share their journeys and the lessons they have learned about grief, parenthood, friendship and living after the death of their baby. They tell us how they have changed, who they have become, and what truly matters now.
Angel baby boy Asad
My other 3 children always wanted a baby brother - especially my youngest son, so that he too could be a 'big brother'. So when we found out in September 2022 that I was pregnant, we were so excited. I was in Cairns and on my birthday we went to the GP for my first check up.
On 9th May 2023 I went to the GP for my flu shot. They took my blood pressure and for no apparent reason it was extremely high. The following day I was referred for a blood and a urine test, and two days later we had both results. Everything seemed fine - no signs of preeclampsia, nothing at all to flag.
They took my blood pressure and for no apparent reason it was extremely high. The following day I was referred for a blood test and a urine test, but the results seemed fine.
Concerned, my GP called the hospital and asked me to see the Day Assessment Unit. They couldn't find a heartbeat. I was 35 weeks and 5 days pregnant. In a cruel irony of life, two days later was Mother's Day.
I took pills to stop my pregnancy hormone levels progressing and to soften my cervix. I was told that the pills would start to have an effect within 36 - 48 hours. But mine were effective within 3 - 5 hours. Compared to the birth of my previous three children, this was the easiest, smoothest and quickest labour I had had. I delivered my son normally, without an epidural, without gas and without sustaining labour injuries.
I delivered my son normally, without an epidural, without gas. 'Asad' means lion, and the name was given to my son by his big brother.
Asad means lion, and the name was given to my son by his big brother. He had his brother's nose and ears, and his sister's lips and eyebrows. Out of all my children, Asad was the tallest if you compared his length to his siblings at birth.
The experience of baby loss has changed me. I tend to focus more on myself and am not bothered about others when I grieve or show my feelings. The whole experience still feels surreal because we were so close to the finishing line.
The experience of baby loss has changed me. I tend to focus more on myself and am not bothered about others when I grieve or show my feelings.
We told our children that Asad had died a day after he was gone. We involved Asad's siblings in everything we did. We visit his grave three times a week and don't hide our feelings in front of our children. If I feel like crying, I will just cry.
We told our children that Asad had died a day after he was gone. We don't hide our feelings in front of our children. If I feel like crying, I will just cry.
What I wish I had known before I experienced baby loss is that having 3 previous low risk pregnancies, each resulting in healthy living babies, is not a guarantee that you won't experience a loss in a future pregnancy.
What I wish I had known before I experienced baby loss is that having 3 previous low risk pregnancies, each resulting in healthy living babies, is not a guarantee that you won't experience a loss in a future pregnancy.
To a recently bereaved parent I would say to hold on to your faith. To be brave. Embrace yourself and appreciate your partner and your other children if you have them.
Our Possum Portrait is going up in our living room. I want people to know about Asad and to acknowledge that he is part of our family.
Our Possum Portrait is going up in our living room. I want people to know about Asad and to acknowledge that he is part of our family.
Did this story resonate with you?
Please consider giving what you can and support the provision
of critical bereavement care for parents living with loss.
Comments